Army of One Read online

  “Jelisa, don’t do this to me now; I told you I’m good. It’s nothing to be scared of. I’m not even going to be on the front lines; remember, I’m a medic. I’ll be all the way in the back,” Shamar said. His six foot two inch frame towered over her, as she stood only five feet four inches. With one arm wrapped around her shoulder and the other holding Mya, he tried to make the most of these final moments.

  “Whatever, Shamar, stop telling me that. You don’t know what’s going to happen,” Jelisa countered, rolling her eyes. “What are we supposed to do while you’re gone? I’m not staying in Kansas by myself; I don’t know nobody besides the people you’ve introduced me to from your unit. I want to be with my own family while you’re gone,” Jelisa pleaded.

  She was nineteen with a pretty face and a smart mouth. Her silky hair rested on her shoulders, and her brown skin glowed in the sunlight. However, it was her smart mouth that Shamar was drawn to; at the same time, it was also the one thing that irked him the most about her. She didn’t seem to know when to shut up.

  “Are you done yet?” he asked with a dead stare on his face. “You’re not making this easy for me; you know that, right?” Shamar hated when she laid guilt trips on him, but he understood she was scared something would happen to him. He made her promise never to watch the news. The media never portrayed the good things the soldiers were doing, and he didn’t want her freaking out. “Listen, I promise you that I’m going to do everything I can to make it back here. This year is going to go by fast, okay? I told you that you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to. If you don’t want to come back here after you go and see your mom, by all means, stay up there until I get back. I just want y’all to be looked after,” he explained.

  He caressed her cheek and kissed her, hoping to give her some comfort. In her mind, she felt like it would be the last kiss, like he was abandoning her. But what was he supposed to do? It was his job.

  “Sergeant Jackson, we need to get everybody formed up!” another sergeant shouted from across the way.

  Shamar looked over at the sergeant, nodding his head in acknowledgement, and then he looked back at Jelisa. With the most sincerity she had seen in his eyes since Mya was born, he asked, “You love me?” as he pulled her in closer to him.

  “Yeah, Shamar, you know I do,” she responded as a tear formed at the corner of her eye.

  “All right, then trust me. I love you too. Now let me get over here. Mya, Daddy loves you, okay?” Shamar kissed his daughter on the cheek and put her down. He gave Jelisa one last hug before grabbing his bags and walking away. Shamar headed to an awaiting bus that was to take him and the other soldiers to the municipal airport. This would be the first in a series of flights taking them to their final destination in Iraq.

  Jelisa watched in anguish, thinking, What am I going to do without him? What if he doesn’t come back? God, why is this happening now?

  Thoughts of all of the talks they had about traveling the world, and giving Mya the life they never had, began to race through her mind, filling her with anxiety. Tears began to race down her cheeks as she held Mya tight making sure that she got one last glimpse of her father.

  As he stared out of the window from his seat, Shamar fought back tears as well as the urge to get back off of the bus and run to his wife and child. He had no idea it would be this difficult to leave them.

  As the bus began to pull off, Shamar and Jelisa locked eyes one last time. Shamar mouthed the words, “I love you,” holding his gaze until she and Mya were no longer in sight.

  After taking several deep breaths, Jelisa accepted he was gone, then turned and walked away. She and Mya then got into an awaiting cab and left, heading back to their hotel. They went back to the Holiday Inn, where they had been staying, to finish packing up their things so they could go back to Indiana. Shamar would be gone for a year, and Jelisa began to wonder if they should have waited to get married.

  They weren’t high school sweethearts or anything; in fact, they had never dated before she got pregnant. Their beautiful little princess, Mya, was the result of a one-night stand after a house party when Jelisa was sixteen. Shamar was nineteen at the time, so it took two years of them dealing with each other for him to even start considering making her his main chick. After considering the thought of another man being in his daughter’s life, he made his mind up to be there one way or another.

  Jelisa didn’t know the first thing about being a wife; but if it meant she and her baby girl would be taken care of, she was with it. Now with this deployment at hand, she would have to go another twelve months without seeing him. The uncertainty of the days to come terrified her.

  When their plane landed at O’Hare Airport, Jelisa and Mya took a bus from Chicago to Michigan City. When they arrived at the drop-off point, her mother, Sandra, was waiting for them. Her beat-up 1984 Chevy Caprice was a stark reminder of what she was trying to escape when she chose to leave with Shamar. The members of the Adams family not only shared the same name, but they also shared the same mentality of holding on to things for as long as possible. In other words, being broke was a family tradition, and it was one Jelisa had no intention of passing down.

  Oh my God, no, she did not come and pick me up in this car, she thought as she struggled to drag her luggage in one hand with Mya trailing slowly behind her, holding the other.

  “Hey, honey, how was your flight?” Sandra said, going straight to Mya. “Come here, Granny’s baby, give me some kisses.” Mya quickly let go of Jelisa’s hand and ran into her grandmother’s arms.

  “Hey, Mama, it was okay. You know I hate traveling with her by myself. Ugh,” Jelisa grunted in frustration.

  “Well, baby, that’s part of being a mother. I can’t say I feel bad for you. Y’all go on and get in so we can get back to the house. I left my oven on.”

  Jelisa sucked her teeth and threw her luggage in the back seat. She buckled Mya into her car seat before painstakingly getting into the front passenger’s seat. As they merged onto the main road, Jelisa sat silently, staring out the window.

  “Child, what’s wrong with you? You’re not worried about Shamar, are you?” Sandra asked, already knowing the answer to her question.

  “Mama, I don’t know how to feel about it. I mean, he told me not to worry; but what if something does happen to him?”

  Sandra wasn’t convinced that this was the only thing she was concerned about. “Girl, please, the Army ain’t no different than these streets out here. You didn’t have any problems when Shamar was out here selling dope and having shootouts every other week. What’s really going on with you?”

  Jelisa wasn’t expecting that, but Sandra never held any punches when it came to her daughter. She was the youngest, so she always required more from her than her sisters did.

  “Jelisa! Jelisa, are you listening to me?”

  She wasn’t ignoring her. As she stared off, she was thinking back to times when she sat up at night, calling around, trying to find Shamar after hearing that he’d been involved in something. She finally snapped out of it and looked over, cutting her eyes at Sandra. “Mama, you don’t know what you talkin’ about. You always in somebody’s business. You weren’t there when I sat up worrying about the shootouts and fights. The Army was supposed to take us away from stuff like this, but it seems like he just left one war to go fight another one. Who’s supposed to take care of us? Huh?” she snapped. Jelisa wasn’t feeling this whole situation, and she couldn’t wait until they got home so she could get out of the car.

  “Look, I know you’re scared of losing him, but you have to take the good with the bad. You just make sure you do right by him while he’s away. You know what I’m talking about?”

  Jelisa leaned away from her and frowned, slightly offended by the suggestion that she might cheat on Shamar. “Excuse me? What you mean by that?” she asked.

  She knew exactly what her mother was talking about, but she hadn’t messed around on Shamar since they got married, and the time she
did step out no one ever knew about. That was something she intended to leave in the past. “Mama, please leave me alone, because you don’t know what you talkin’ ’bout. I wish you would mind your own business. I’m not going to be staying with you for long; I know that much. I can’t deal with this for a whole year. God!”

  Jelisa was tight now; she really hated when Sandra pried into her business. Her stay with her mother would only be temporary. Shamar told her to find an apartment as soon as she could. “Mama, can you please just let it go? And why are you taking the long way? We should’ve been on the east side by now,” Jelisa snapped, noticing that Sandra had passed their turn, and she hadn’t mentioned needing to go anywhere else along the way.

  “Your father called and asked me to bring you and Mya by so he could see y’all.” Unlike most girls she knew, Jelisa actually knew her father and had a decent relationship with him; but what she loved about him the most was the fact that he always took her side. He and her mother had been divorced since she was twelve years old. When he found out she was pregnant, he was the only one who didn’t flip out on her.

  “All right. I wonder why he didn’t call me. Hmm. Mya, you wanna go see Papa?” she looked back and asked. Jelisa was grateful for her father, Pete. He was considered the cool parent.

  When they pulled up to Pete’s house, he was sitting on the porch, smoking his pipe. He waved as they parked. As soon as Jelisa opened the door and unbuckled Mya, she bolted and headed straight for him. “Papa!” she yelled with the biggest smile on her face.

  “Hey, baby, come and give me a hug.” His raspy voice was a result of how sick he had been lately, but Pete Adams would have no one feeling sorry for him.

  “Hey, Daddy, how you doing?”

  Pete let out a gut-wrenching cough. “Aw, baby, I’m still breathing. How was the trip?”

  Jelisa just knew he was going to have something to say about her relationship sooner or later. Pete was just like any other concerned father, and even though he usually stayed out of her business, for some reason she knew it was coming. “It was fine, Daddy. But, seriously, are you doing all right?” Her concern for his health was growing more every time she saw him.

  Pete skated past her question and turned his attention to Sandra. “Sandra, how you holding up? You sounded a little stressed on the phone.”

  Jelisa rolled her eyes and let out a deep sigh. She hated when he did that.

  “Pete, what I’m dealing with is none of your concern,” Sandra said sternly. In her eyes, he no longer had the right to question her about anything that didn’t involve the kids or grandkids. “By the sound of it, you’re the one who needs to be looked after,” she added.

  Pete leaned up, adjusted himself, and let out another harsh cough. “Well, maybe you should do something about that,” he said jokingly. He loved getting under her skin.

  “Old man, you better go on somewhere; ain’t nobody got time to be messing with you,” Sandra retorted.

  While they went back and forth, picking on each other, Jelisa picked Mya up, sat her on Pete’s knee, and walked back to the sidewalk. She gazed up at the sky, watching as it grew darker by the minute. Her parents’ breakup was the reason she was hesitant when it came to getting married. Pete and Sandra were once the best of friends; so if they didn’t work out, Jelisa wondered if there was even any hope for her and Shamar.

  Twenty minutes passed, and they were still talking. Growing impatient, Jelisa walked up and interrupted, “Okay, Daddy, we need to get out of here. I have to feed Mya, and I’m hungry myself.”

  Pete nodded his head. He knew she wouldn’t wait much longer. “All right, well, you all stop by and see me this week. I’m thinking about having a barbeque. Oh, yeah, before I forget, how you doing now that your husband is gone? You gonna be all right?”

  She hated when he asked about her love life. She knew no matter what she would eventually find herself having to defend whatever her latest decisions were. At this point, Pete was probably the only person who could get away with asking.

  “Daddy, I’m okay. I just need to get used to him not being around. I’m good, I promise.”

  He smirked and raised his hands in submission, not wanting to push the issue. After a few more minutes, the ladies were ready to go. Pete hugged all three of them and watched from the sidewalk as they returned to the car and drove away. If only he could be closer. He knew Jelisa was going to have a hard time getting used to being alone, but there was nothing he could do. At least when Shamar was in Germany, she was able to see him every couple of months. However, this situation was different, seeing as how it would be nothing but phone calls and letters for the whole year.

  Chapter Two

  Shamar

  Three hours after he and Jelisa left the airfield, Shamar was on a plane headed for Kuwait. The next day, after being briefed, his unit was staged in Baghdad, waiting to convoy up to northern Iraq. He sat next to his friend Omar, whom he’d known since basic training.

  Omar was a reformed ladies’ man, and this was his second time going to Iraq; the first deployment he went on nearly destroyed his marriage. There was an issue of infidelity on both his and his wife’s parts. The stress of being away from his family and his wife, not knowing if she would get that dreadful call about him being killed, was enough to drive a wedge between them. Omar’s marriage was in complete shambles by the time he made it back home. It took a toll on them both, but they managed to repair the damage that was done from her cheating back home and him trying to fill a void while deployed. This time around, he felt even worse knowing that his wife, Kyana, would be on her own doing God knows what.

  “Bruh, I hope this broad don’t act up while I’m gone. I’m telling you, I swear I’ma kill somebody if she try me,” Omar said, pounding his fist into his hand.

  “Man, be easy, bruh. She ain’t stupid. Y’all good. You got a rider, man. Everybody makes mistakes. You just gotta trust that she learned her lesson or take it as a loss and move on.”

  Omar nodded, knowing Shamar was making sense. Shamar tried to identify with him, but it was hard because, being a player himself, he expected women to cheat; he just didn’t want to find out about it. This mindset served him well, only because he could never prove Jelisa ever did. Being in the streets taught him not to put trust in too many people, but it was different with her because she was the mother of his child.

  “See, man, you ain’t trippin’ ’cause you know Jelisa ain’t dumb enough to step out on you. I don’t wanna jinx you or anything, but this is her first deployment so ain’t no telling how she gon’ act, feel me?”

  Shamar didn’t want to admit it, but Omar was right. It never was an issue with them. During the times when they were just messing around, whenever he came back into the picture Jelisa cut off everybody else she had been dealing with to be with him. “Yeah, I feel you. I’m just saying you gotta give her the benefit of trusting she won’t act up. That’s all I’m saying.”

  A voice over the intercom informed them that they had hit their cruising altitude, so Omar leaned his seat back and tried to get some sleep. It would be another seven hours before they reached the first stop.

  Shamar also tried sleeping, but he was having a hard time because something didn’t feel right. He was usually on to something when that feeling came over him. He started thinking about the argument he had with Jelisa the week before. As he replayed each moment of it, what Omar said made more sense.

  Shamar had been home for a few days on leave to spend some time with the family before he left. While they were sitting in the living room at Sandra’s house, she asked him if he wanted any more kids. “Yeah, I don’t know about that,” he said, raising his eyebrows and looking up at the ceiling.

  “Why you say that?” she asked.

  Jelisa looked over at her and said, “Mama, please don’t. I’m really not trying to get into this right now. I don’t know if I want any more kids, at least not right now.”

  Shamar put his head down and starte
d playing with his cell phone, knowing he didn’t want to be part of the conversation anymore.

  “Child, please,” Sandra said, blowing Jelisa off. “You better give this man some kids. Shamar, how do you feel about it?”

  He hesitated to respond but, by now, both of them were staring at him, waiting for an answer. Jelisa had this look on her face that said, “You better not.”

  But unwilling to be challenged, Shamar spoke up. “Like I said before, it’s her body. I’m not the one who has to carry a baby; so, if she ain’t ready, it’s whatever. I do want a few more kids, though, but I’m not going to make her do something she don’t want to do.”

  Jelisa rolled her eyes and let out a deep sigh. She knew Sandra wasn’t going to let that one go, but she had her reasons for not wanting any more kids.

  “Now, Jelisa, I’m not trying to get in your business, but you need to give that man some kids before one of these other heifers out here tries to. You got yourself a good man here who actually has something going for himself. Don’t be stupid.”

  Jelisa looked at Shamar with disgust and mumbled under her breath, “Why you have to say something?”

  One thing he hated was being heckled by a woman, so that was enough to push him. He snapped back, “Jelisa, don’t play with me! Don’t think because your mom is sitting here I won’t snatch you up. Who you think you talking to?”

  Sandra just sat back and nodded in agreement. She had always told her daughter never to disrespect a man’s ego. She wasn’t going to let him put his hands on her, but Jelisa needed a reality check. She knew her daughter was selfish.

  “Ugh, you get on my nerves!” she shouted, storming out of the living room into the kitchen. Shamar jumped up and followed right behind her, cornering her by the sink. She tried pushing her way past him. “Move, Shamar! Get out of my way!”

  He pushed her back and palmed her chin, controlling her movement. “Jelisa, what the hell is your problem? Don’t you ever talk to me like that, especially in front of yo’ mama.”